July 21, 2007

Mark and I met with Dr. Lee, our radiation oncologist, yesterday afternoon to learn the results of the MRI and discuss treatment options. We did not get a good report from Dr. Lee, and it’s with great difficulty that I write this note.

Dr. Lee believes that the tumor they found on the left side of my brain is aggressive because it has swelling around it. Benign tumors don’t usually cause swelling. He’s also sure it’s agressive because it wasn’t there on the MRI I had done just 3 months ago. He showed us the pictures and we saw both sets to compare. The tumor is about 1.5 centimeters and it is on the top of my brain near the back left area. It appears to be right under my skull, but not in a good spot for surgery.

Since the tumor is aggressive, he recommended aggressive radiation treatment of my whole brain, which I’ll begin on Monday. There are 10 treatments that last over 2 weeks, so I’ll be going every day except weekends. This treatment is more aggressive than a spot treatment with the new cyber knife, but he didn’t want to risk missing other tumors that my be developing already in my brain. We may still have the spot treatment after the initial radiation is complete, but we won’t know that for a while. My hair will likely fall out (again) after the radiation treatment is over.

I also lost my driving priveleges because there is a high risk of having seizures with swelling in my brain. I’m on a steroid to prevent the swelling, and I have a very good chance of not having the seizures because there’s only one tumor so far, but we cannot risk it on driving. I’m going to need help getting to treatment and other appointments in the next two weeks, and my Mom has already offered to drive me to Fort Wayne as much as she can. Dr. Lee also recommended that I start looking into filing for disability and seriously consider whether I should keep working.

The worst news was that he doesn’t offer much hope for long-term survival. People who have multiple tumors in the brain are given 3-4 months to live, even with treatment. People with one tumor, like mine, should have longer, but that could be as short as 6 months to 1.5 years. He told us to keep up our hope because my symptoms have always responded well to aggressive treatment and we caught this early. He encouraged me to plan my life six months at a time, and he told us stories of patients who’ve lasted the 5 years or longer to give us hope. My good friend, Sally Lewellen, has been through aggressive cancer and brain radiation with multiple tumors, and she’s still here after 1.5 years…with her driving priveleges restored. PTL! (She’s been a great source of strength for me in the past few months.)

Mark and I are in shock right now, and we’re trying to tell our family and friends the news. We told our girls last night, and we’re not sure what they understand for now. They could tell something was wrong, so we decided to be honest but not give them too much fear. Please don’t mention the timeframe (or lack of it) to them. We’ve decided that I should take the next two weeks to concentrate on my treatment, so I won’t return to work full time for now. I haven’t met with my boss yet, but she’s been very supportive and will continue to help meet my needs. Honestly, I may try to work some hours each week just to keep my sanity. I’m really afraid that if I stop living, then I’ll start dying. And that’s not my style. I’m very lucky to work with people who care about me and my family so much, so we’ll make this work too.

Please, please, please pray for our family and for complete healing. We haven’t given up hope, and I intend to fight this battle with all the strength that I have. For the first time in my life, though, my strength alone (and Mark’s) won’t be enough. We need God’s hand in our lives more than ever, and I’ve already got an overwhelming sense of peace from Him that this is under his control too. I can’t deny being scared and shocked at this news, but I’ll never doubt God’s hand upon my life.

I’ll try to keep this site updated with more news, and thank you for your contined support through comments, prayers, e-mails and calls. Don’t ever hesitate to contact us if you’d like to talk with us. Mark’s still working at the store in Markle, and I’ll be joining him quite a bit so we can spend more time together. I’ve been telling him that he needed more help to get all of his ideas going to increase sales, and I guess now I have to prove my words!